Who Are The Real Primitives?

Technology and "Primitive" Cultures?

When one examines human cultural traits, and particularly those expressed in politics, one trait stands out from all others. That trait is cannibalism. Cannibalism! Really?

Doubting Thomas’s take a second look. Across all cultures humans devour themselves when they expand outward leaving behind desolation, much the same as does a fairy ring of mushrooms. Great civilizations that expand without direction eat themselves off the world map and have done so with few exceptions since the beginnings of recorded history. Wars started on too many fronts. Think Hitler’s Germany. Expansion so rapid it overwhelms the backbones of cohesion such as supply and communication lines. Think Rome, or more recently, the Soviet Union. Eat or be eaten; Predator or Prey. Civilizations are by nature cannibalistic, in the final stages preying upon themselves.

But what does that say about real-life cannibals? And I don’t mean the perverted soul in the movie “Eating Raoul” or the desperate starving travelers wintering at Donners Pass. I’m talking about cultures that never devour their own, which citizens of “civilized” cultures metaphorically do with self-righteous ease. I do mean primitive cultures that prey on unexpected but welcome visitors for that tasty treat of human flesh. Think Garden Spider. Who are the true primitives?

Well, last year I had the opportunity to explore that question with the head of one such jungle tribe. Did I venture into the wilderness to do so? No. I discovered and friended him on Facebook. Yes. Facebook. It seems that the social media and technical revolution have reached the Amazon dwellers, and I don’t mean those who traffic Amazon.com.

In our initial encounter, he was put off when I addressed him as Chief.

“I prefer to be called ‘Supreme Elder,’” he said, noting that he had been duly elected by his people.

Neither did he appreciate my referring to his electorate as a tribe. As we got further into the discussion, it became apparent that he was not only up with technology, but world politics as well. He had been following closely the machinations of U.S. politics and was surprisingly knowledgeable of the issues threatening humanity, particularly as it impacted on his tribe’s environment and health. It was when I broached the issue of health care that the interview took an unexpected turn.

“Our people have approved a health care policy directive that outlaws food not raised organically.”

I was stunned. Could this mean they had abandoned the practice of eating human flesh?

“Oh no, just uncontaminated flesh,” he replied.

“Uncontaminated?”

"Yes. We prefer eating what your country categorizes as the One percent. They are a true delicacy. If not available, we tolerate as low as 53 percent for the average community feasts. But eating visitors from the bottom 47 percent is considered a health hazard and subject to levy of an extra cow for health insurance premiums."

“What’s the difference?” I asked. “Human is human.”

“That is a myth promoted by your mass media like Fox news. Mass media exist to protect the one percent from the people. The evidence shows that the one percent is well-fed, raised on organic produce and protein supplemented with wild-caught game. This is a healthy diet for my people. The 47 percent, on the other hand, are contaminated with chemicals from a lifetime ingestion of cheap processed foods that nourish only the coffers of the one percent. Very toxic to the people. The exception is the visitor from the 47 percent who is under age five, but soon even that will become too contaminated.”

“But how can you distinguish which visitors are which?”

“Sometimes by the amount of currency in their wallet. The less cash the more likely they are of the one percent. Neither do the one percenters carry credit cards as all their shopping is done by 47 percent employees. We also evaluate the purity of their flesh by brand labels on their clothes and footwear. It is not difficult and the health subcommittee has issued guidelines to assist the people’s cook’s in their determination.”

“But how can you make those determinations from so deep in the Amazon?”

“Google or Amazon.com searches are a peoples’ favorite. It is not difficult. You will have to excuse me now. The peoples’ cook informs me that an honored visitor is being brought before the Council and it is nearing dinner time. But let me end by expressing to you my great fear. I fear that revolts of the 47 percent in your country will severely curtail travel of your 53 percent to my country and put an end to our One percent delicacies. Until next time.Your Facebook friend, The Supreme Elder.”

“PS: I see from your photos on Facebook that you love the spectacular water views from your most magnificent upper Manhattan Penthouse, so you would feel right at home on the peoples’ waterfront community here on the upper Amazon. We’d love you and your wife to visit here where you could achieve a greater appreciation of our cultural, culinary and technological advancements.”