Groping or Scanning at Airports? Let's do it right!!

What's all the hoopla about “groping” at airports? Maybe we need a different point of view, a more comprehensive strategy. For example, how about addressing some of our health care needs at the same time.  Why couldn't airport “groping” be done by professional masseuses, physical therapists, and chiropractors, body  cavity searches by proctologists? Who would need more than catastrophic health insurance? If the government's going to pay for it anyway in the name of national security, private health insurance would be double-dipping.

For less masochistic passengers who opt for a full body scan in favor of manual groping, how about offering scanning options such as diagnostic x-rays, paid for by debiting the passenger's frequent-flyer miles?  If we're going to scan someone's body at taxpayers expense, the taxpayer should get something out of it beyond being made safe from terrorism via another passenger's explosive underpants. How about diagnoses of potential diseases or life-threatening issues?  "Departing Passengers go to Line 1 for X-Ray, Line 2 for Cat Scan or Line 3 for an MRI." And while we're at it, let's bring back the foot X-Ray machines from the shoe stores of the 1950's. Goodbye shoe bomber! Jobs, jobs, jobs. Full planes. Inexpensive Health care via a Single Payer System (Dept. Homeland Security). Problems solved!

And then there's always fashion.  How about hiring tailor's to do the non-medical groping? Security would be served and affluent travelers who prefer to arrive at their destination in a stylish and unwrinkled Armani suit could have their measurements taken at the same time. Job creation? Picture clothing being custom-made in the outlawed upper deck of a Boeing 747 en route?  Free vacation packages for top-rated seamstresses?

Whither Capitalism?